Wednesday, May 09, 2007
WAAA thanks la I typed such a looooong final entry and forgot to publish
Shit
Anyways
I'll put it in a concise manner then.
---
I think this is it.
At some points in life, you just know when you're there, that things'll never be the same again.
That there can be no turning back, no running away from this.
And so you think the person you knew was me.
I am fully aware of my childish behaviour,
shout and yell, laughing out loud; every idiocy haunted by the eternal condemnation of a soul brokwn and seared within.
Ok it wasn't THAT serious,
it's just an expression.
But point is all of us pretend.
At least I pretend,
all my life.
But I can't pretend I can live with not being able to feel sadness, feel pain, feel things, etc. anymore.
I can't pretend like everything is alright. Everything's fine. I cannot pretend like I am the greatest person on Earth anymore.
Not anymore.
It just gets drained out of you.
This is the second time I feel so drained of all pretence.
And I thought this would wait till after A Levels.
I tell myself I will be confident and comfortable to take a cold hard look at myself when, and only when a significant portion of my life has finally came to an end.
But life is just unpredictable.
All of a sudden,
something comes a long, and then you cannot be the same person you used to be anymore.
Sometimes I put on my facade I pretend so much things just become a habit.
But I can't deal with that anymore. I need to come out of my shell.
Blah blah.
So much for a final entry.
I cannot be an idiot anymore.
I miss myself.
I miss that kid who saw the best of things when I was young.
Why is the world like that?
Why is life like that? I cannot sit around waiting for change to happen spontaneously anymore.
I have to be that change...
;rock YOU.
10:27 PM
