Sunday, February 04, 2007
You know,
I was just thinking, or having a vibe that I was thinking.
That it's saddening how studying always makes one sad.
Or particularly, makes me sad. So definitely.
It feels like, you used to this this bright kid full of curiosity abt the world.
And then somehow, simply SOMEHOW,
you move on and when you look back, all you can see is the sadness in *that* kid's eyes, as he or she stood watching you, from another bank. A sea of memories and events in-between seperating you two.
Blah blah.
I'm like,
maybe a Victory wouldn't be so much of a victory in the end if it wasn't this hard.
But that's me optimistic.
There's still me pessimistic. Deterministic. Fatalistic. Blah blah.
Actually, I was just thinking, all these studying is gonna lead me somewhere.
Like IMF of IMH.
International Monetary Fund or Institute of Mental Health. If you understand my obession with Economics and how messed-up my brain can get.
Or maybe I'll end up in the middle, IMG.
Institute of Mental Homicide.
Sometimes it feels as if I'm all fine and alright physically, outwardly.
But I'm killing myself slowly, mentally. JESEUS!
其實,我心情不好也不壞.
因為一覺得不開心的時候,我的理智告訴我心情不壞又死不了.
這麼一想心情就變得不好也不壞了.
進入一種心情處於沒有甚麼特別的心情的狀態...I just kept on thinking.
一直到現在我還是忍不住感慨,
人生咋就這麼折騰呢?
一直到我哭過了痛過了心想我再也不會流淚了就算是家破人亡一個人流浪就算是天塌下來地震洪水颱風病毒肆虐就算是世界眼看就快要末日也不怎麼了我還在納悶.
自己為甚麼還活著,為何活著,怎麼還在活著.儘管我好累了.
儘管我渴望簡單嚮往單純我也虛僞我也複雜了.
我就一直拼命地壓韻著,
被打壓著.
我的聰明我的高傲都被所謂人生打擊著,凌遲著.所有熟悉溫暖的笑容潰不成軍.I'm doing my best to resist. Silently.
Alternating between dreams and reality.
Because when life REALLY gets to you that's when you get really, totally, completely all grown-up. And all I want is to be a kid, mature and happy.
WAHHH! Who knows?...Like,,,whatever.---
何不暢飲高歌瘋狂到天明?明天我未必是我,你未必是你.明天今天已是回憶.或許明天.今天以後.一切都終究走到了盡頭.
;rock YOU.
9:55 PM
