Thursday, December 07, 2006
WAAA I wanted to blog about this like forever, think I'll try to finish this up by tonight to get it over with. =Pp
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Hmm maybe if I finish blogging about my trip to Chiangmai,
I would finally feel settled, in place, in one piece, in Singapore - heart and mind, body and soul.
I'll start with what impressed me most, the people.
Well,
the Thais are REALLY courteous and warm people.
Maybe it's due to the slow pace of life, but it's like they just have the time to Sawadika and smile at complete strangers, and they would go all the way to show a stranger around, and things like that. That's something you never quite see in a city as busy as Singapore and everyone only has time for themselves...
Anyways,
everytime I go overseas I'm just appalled at the no. of people on streets.
It's as if the country's people is non-existent, because the streets can be so empty.
Contrast that with Singapore's high population density,,,
it just makes me feel like those countries are really dead, laid-back, lack of activities. HMM.
We ran into loads of really really cute kids there.
It was wonderful because I find that city kids can be so un-cute,
as you listen to them rant about the latest technology, and even BGR issues when they don't even know how to spell love. :Pp
There are really all these cute people all around,
but there were 2, or 3 whom I remembered the most.
Well on the day we left,
I was kind of busy here and there with my DV.
Then there were these 2 or 3 girls who just walked up to me,
I was like looked at them briefly because seriously I had no idea what they want with me. HEEX.
So a thai friend came along and eventually it turns out they wanna hug me.
And so we hugged.
What really struck at me was how tightly they hugged me, you know.
It's really like, they're melding my body into theirs so I would not separate.
Even with my closest of friends, all my life, I never had anyone hugged me as much as them.
Then I really had these fleeting sensations of, I don't know how to put it in words,,,
but I guess I felt like they touched my soul, with the intensity of their sincerity and stuff. JESEUS!
Actually,
I would not ever know how they really see us city kids, barging into their life just like that,
out of nowhere, and leaving before they know it.
But when I heard from others,
about how badly these people wanted to be educated in the city,
I was just thinking,
everyone deserves a chance, their chance to shine in life.
It's like the more I read the more I learn,
the more I know about the distinction between the haves and the have-nots,
the more I realise that I'm ultra lucky to have been able to come this far to Singapore.
And the more that knowledge makes me want to strive, work on even harder.
So that one day I may have the means to lift lots of others out of their fixed path in life,
and onto a journey of discovering new possibilities, new potentials, etc.
I get the inkling of a feeling that,
THAT is ultimately what I want to do in life,
what I hope to achieve with a WORLD-CLASS university degree next time.
To me,
OCIP is really a door for me to experience the outside world in a brand new light,
in the light of say,,,serving the need of others (EEW this sounds so corny); instead of my usual looking at the world through my own eyes, and trying to decide with my intelligence what use I could make of it, of the things in life, of what roles other people play in life.
I think OCIP is a way for me to think beyond, apart, beside, from myself...
And then the ST girls are REALLY REALLY a wonderful bunch of people.
We've known them only for a few days,
and already I feel like I could get used to knowing them and having them around all my life.
Pum Pear Pink Pang Fah Ham.
I think each and everyone of them's got wonderful personalities.
I really don't know what to say of them except that they're really, really great people.
Alright,
when I just saw them on the first day, I was like omigosh.
Becuz all of them were in their traditional costumes (I almost thought it's their casual wear), looking so gentle so demure, like some easily-broken flower made of glass; such that I figure I wouldn't even dare raise my voice above a whisper with them. How to get along like that!!! My heart was crying out loud.
Do we have to be so courteous and formal all the time?
And so I felt ultra restrained, super restricted, very suppressed the first day.
Because I am used to talking about all sorts of things with crappy people,
from scandals to politics to sex to life success to religions to etc. =Pp And all in a very just let-it-all-out manner.
For once I had to watch what I say,
be sensitive, be considerate, watch my mouth.
So I was like ROARRR!!! AARGHHHHH!!! inside.
HENGGG as days went by hanging out with them just kept on getting better!
I think Pum and Fah were the first few whom I warmed up to,
in a group, I love making friends in groups. ((= Because groups can be easily aroused into craziness, swayed into insanity... HAHAHA check Hitler, baby. ((=
And I happened to be in an ultra high mood for the night bazaar so DA-DAHHH!!!
Blahblah la,
anyways it's like as we got along more and more, slowly I start to see the human-ness in them; instead of just being chio-chio-for-show-Thailand-dolls lidat you know.
And it's great.
I think globalisation sincerely rocks because it allowed us to have a common language, or rather, common music to sing along together...
It's just sweet la,
baby~
I wouldn't say I had a super strong urge to know any of the Thai girls are first glance,
because at first look they don't look like people whom I can go crazy with...
But,
anyways,
point is,,,
Like after we've worked together and stuff,
I seriously am glad that Pear's part of our team. I mean SERIOUSLY.
She's chaooo my cup of tea can,
ok I sound like a pedophilia,
since she's younger than us anyways. :Pp
Point is,
it's been great with everyone.
It sounds cliche,
but I really wish I had more time to discover more about their personalities, life stories, etc.
I'm not a pessimist,
but I am realistic.
I don't know for how long we could just keep in touch through MSN like that.
Particularly when communication can really pose a challenge at times,,,
just observe the pace of the conversations. =___=
I don't like to go on MSN cuz I type+think ultra fast,
then I'll feel ultra sian talking to people cuz even if I open multiple-windows,
still it's like others take forever to catch up with me...
And then the scope of the conversations are too about daily-life to my liking...
But now I'm feeling like I'm testing my own patience, lol.
But I SERIOUSLY enjoy talking with them laaa haha cuz it's just... FUN?
I guess it takes a bit of hardwork from both sides.
For example everyday I gotta rush home when I would really love to just ride the last bus and reach home at 12 plus plus. GEEZ.
WHATEVERRR lor.
I'm chaooo glad to have been with them in my life. ((=
I don't believe in forever but I believe that they'll be fond memories for me,
forever.
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That was few days ago. HMM.
Anyways,
it's like I was talking with a few OCIP girls,
and we were like, all of us found it really difficult talking to the Thai girls on MSN.
Maybe it's communication breakdown or what,
but it's like for us, if someone else takes MINUTES to give you a reply, well I for one would be instantly sian-ed and not feel like talking with that person anymore. What's more it's like all the conversations are full of questions (posed by us), and the WORST thing is when there is a multiple-conversation and when silences are the norm, it's like they won't ever try to break the ice...? I think it's sincerely weird and wrong, I mean it feels so to us, because it's just not how things work in Singapore.
And then it's like I know it's a great deal they are typing in English already,
BUT BUT
I think it's just that we feel helpless and like at a lost at what to do.
It's like I would wonder how have their days been since we left,
how's their life like, and stuff,,,but you simply don't know how to pop the question, to make them understand.
And when I talk to them with all that I would be wondering are they feeling bored? Can they tahan the pace of the conversation...? And stuff. Then if I get the feeling that all the answers are positive I would seriously just leave them be and all. I mean the fact that you don't get spontaneous answers from someone really turns down your wish of talking to them and learning more about them, right? Because you would not want to make the person feel like you're a BOTHER, a NUISANCE.
And then I know that we have no right to demand anything from them,
because personally I feel that no one is ever obliged to anyone else for any reason(s) whatsoever at all... I don't like it when relationships turn into a burden, an obligation. I think that ultimately, friends are people who enjoy each other's company.
I don't know la,
I know we Singaporeans can think too much.
Particularly myself. HAHA we worry ourselves to death constantly BABY.
But I mean it's like,
to me it's just irritating how... You can say you miss each other, friends forever, yet people can't even converse on MSN properly. GEEZ.
Maybe it's alright in their culture,
then there's got to be a way to make US we Singaporeans understand and get used to it right?
Otherwise it's like we are just constantly torturing ourselves and stuff.
ROARRR I know I'm full of complaints la.
But it's really like,
they really mean something to me,
I figure the times we had were a GREAT beginning enough,
such that I hope the story of our friendship (ROARRR this is so mushy) never has an ending, or rather, is constantly being updated with new chapters.
I want our last 'together' at the Chiang Mai airport to be the ending of our days in Thailand,
but the beginning of something entirely... Magnificent? LOL.
It's like I know we had a great time together,
but there's so much more we could do and learn about each other.
I think every new encounter is fascinating,
but I know I am so NOT a people person,
in fact I can be ultra selective,
and I so don't like to open up to people.
So if someone comes along whom I happen to despite all this,
enjoy being together with.
I think it's just great. HMM. HAHA. =Pp
And because it's great I hope we could all be part of each others' lives.
Brightening up each and others' days.
Through thick or thin, shine or rain; literally.
ROARRR I don't like it when you can't figure out the other party and you have to guess all these things. And I know it really shouldn't be because more often than not, we THINK TOO MUCH.
I really don't know how to put all these in words la.
So weird.
I don't like it that I wished there were things we could do,
yet it's as if we were paralysed and powerless except to complain...
I mean it's really weird to go up to someone and start being really frank too.
At least to me it's weird.
Because it's like if everyone is happy and satisfied with the way things are and nobody wants to say a word, you should just shut up!
Blah blah lorsss.
Alright,
then there was regarding some OCIP people.
I know we should not be talking about people behind their back,
but seriously I see nothing wrong in expressing my personal opinion, and then particularly since I express such concerns with people who share the same sentiments only too...
I just kept on wondering if all those people whom we talked about would really go thinking "I FEEL SO BLARDEE ALONE!!!" in the middle of the night.
Are they actually really sincerely great souls who's just like everyone else, yet never learned to express themselves properly... And that no one ever told them this/ that and that's why they remain the way that they are? Then if this is the case I do feel that most of us are say, pretty bad.
It's like,
I don't sincerely hate or detest them.
I guess everyone just has an inner bitch. =Pp
And we are innately evil. =Pp
I never thought of myself as a great person anyways. XDD
Sometimes I feel like I can be the MOST idiotic person on this Earth,
because I could actually live with myself for being such an idiot; I let me be the idiot that I am. That goes to show how much of an idiotic idiot I really am. ((=
And etc. la.
And then I would wonder if people ever talk about me behind my back.
Be it good or be it bad.
I figured I would get really upset if I do learn of such instances,
but I would cool myself down soon enough - They don't like me? That's their prob. I'm just who I am and get along with people who get along with me. I can't be bothered with the rest.
Blah blah blah I know I think a lot.
Can't help it.
Too much brain cells to spare.
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That's about all I could type now.
TATA!
;rock YOU.
11:52 PM
