Friday, November 10, 2006
我只能说，我整个人是累到。。。无以复加。这次的chalet绝对是史上最刺激最精彩最难忘的之一。有惊有险有欢笑有泪水有食物有生日有monkey有pleasant surprises有难民。。=.=我收获颇多，因为我总算学会了pool & mahjong. more a less.
and won quite a few games, HOHOHO. damn lucky siasss.
when i went for bowling today (last time i bowled was billions of years ago)...i actually striked consecutively twice larrr!!! XDD
anyways these few day's been fun, eventful, happening, adventurous, extremely exhausting and blah blah.
i cant believe i spent all my $45 even b4 the second day ended lar.
I was so!?!?!?,,, wad abt the money i had to save for my shopping, for my ps2!?!?!? so shit daooo. so i was like, omg. i so feel like slapping myself.
and etc. etc.
i dun mind having a few more chalets like this to slack and stuff. ((=
ANYWAYS,
and wad struck me particularly was,
when i finally picked up my mom's phone today on the bus on my way home.
ehhh actually i just briefly told her b4hand im goin for some cls chalet,
and when she asked me for details i just ignored her.
i really h8 talking at home lar, cuz super chua dior. i know im mean. but,,,yeah.
and then was quite a few times she called me,
and i was either i nthe midst of playing or whatsoever, but im just really too darn lazy to answer or even call her back.
so all i did is send her a couple of messages and blah blah.
but tt mmt i heard her voice coming thru the phone inside tt cool cool bus,
all of a sudden i just get this word HOME stepping all over me.
it's like im struck by a sudden bout of homeliness, a quality i tot that's been long forsaken, or i tot i would never come to experience, EVER.
一下子那些潜伏的亲情泊泊而动
我眼眶竟然有点湿润本人是天蹋下来就算不被promoted打死我也不会轻易落泪so it's a major big deal.我忽然好想回家因为我忽然醒悟我所有的叛逆 所有的自由 都是他们给予的因为有家人在 我才会随心所欲地偷我的懒 做我的坏事because i can always go home,
no matter what happens. no matter what kind of person tt i am.
i tot they they dun mean a thing,
but turns out everything tt i am, and everythign tt i do, and everythign my life's all abt, is em. well, almost.
when i say tt my mom would skin my alive if i dun go to university i really mean that...
i would never forgive myself if i couldnt give em all the materialistic comfort they could ever have by getting a wonderful degree.
i would never allow myself to not to be the first uni graduate in the family.
and stuff.
i guess the thing is tt we really tend to downplay the effects of pple who r closest to us.
esply family, cuz they always seem to be there, be it good or bad.
and particularly, for me, i hate the amt of attention i get from them. or maybe i hate the lack of the properly directed kind of attention.
but yeahhh
at the end of the day im going to make sure i succeed in life because i want to bring em to the top. i believe tt any human can b happy anywhere, but i just want the best things for my family.
even though im incapable of showing them love,
or even talk to em, converse normally...
still, they form the foundation of my world. no matter how shaky.
anyways and tt's why im ultra wilful to my mom i guess.
always making my own decisions and ignoring what she has to say.
because i know tt i DO care abt em somehow (otherwise they would not have succeeded @ irritating me all the time), and im aware that i wanna lead my kind of life, and im aware that there are some things you should...or rather, i could never do takin my family and society into consideration. blah blah. and so within this boundary i just let myself go absolutely anywhere within.
hmmm
whatever lorrr.
i guess everyone's just diff.
we express ourselves differently.
and tt's what individuality, autonomy, uniqueness, democracy, etc. is all abt.
at the end of the day even if i want to deny certain things,
they remain part of me.
HMMMMM
brain not entirely constructive now. blog more tml. maybe.
gonna go dinner-ing with my p sch mates tml neh! muahaha
then sat need come back sch. SHIT.
and mon for pw. AARGH.
then OCIP camp+OGL camp+chiangmai are all upcoming. =___=
and then im so broke i dun think i want to go out anymore.
plus i REALLY need some time to enjoy my own company. GEEZ.
guessin tt'll b all. for now.
i wan night cycling nite cycling bowling bowling bridge bridge mahjong mahjong pool pool blah blah ing blah blah ing.
;rock YOU.
12:05 AM
