Sunday, August 20, 2006
omg
just got home
long day out
woke up at 8
slacked till 10 plus
took time to prepare to go out till 12
(was supposed to meet sheau wei @ 12)
=Pp
shopped,
ate,
walked around.
then she left for her jap lesson.
then i continue my hunt for my sports shoe.
bought a black nike in the end (remembering tl's: but if u bought a white one for sprots and got it dirtied next fri wun u heart-pain?)
so i might as well buy a black one.
stupid sch lib book.
got barcode thingy.
then everywherei go got beep beep beep
i was like damn irritated can.
can ZARA and CREATIVE kindly change your security system!?!?
it sucks, seriously.
when you couldn'teven distinguish your own product from some others.
just dun agitate me until i so fed-up go research on hacking barcode systems... ~.~
anyways
tried a no. of clothes at zara
omgomg i just saw the jacket of my dreams.
been whoring abt a leather jacket for ages.
you know,
leather jacket.
shades/ glasses.
the night wind.
and riding on a bike.
jiu cool daoooo.
ideally speaking... =Pp
$99... :'( :'( :'(
irritating lor.
they have all these damn nice clothes,
which would look perfect if u're of 170 cm ht.
the only thing i h8 abt being short is that there's so many cool apparels that you cant 'adorn' yourself wif.
GEEZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
anyways then i was like talking with sheau wei over long john.
omygosh i simply bei scare daooo...it's like nothing much, but just plain WEIRD. you know. i didn't realise there were so much emotional activity going on underground, GEEZ.
jiu4 weird daooo.
dunno eh.
i was just somehow feeling and seriously sure that,
family life just ain't for me.
for me,
i'd be crazy to make that one single commitment to this person, and then giving everything else up - fun, career, my big goals and purpsoes in life, slacking, being a totally irresponsible idiot...etc. for childen and all.
i won't say that i dun fantasize/ wonder abt such stuff sometimes.
things like how great/ wonderful it'd be to have a perfect husband + perfect kids
but reality check HOORRRR
that just ain'tgonna be my life, or what i want from life altogether, ALONE
the traditional conception of a successful female as dependant, emotionally-saturated, plus her entire life's purpose built around her husband and kids is such a all-time major turn-off, for me.
what's more.
i embody all the intelligence + petty smartness + independance + recklessness to be more distracted by other things =Pp
i mean,
sometimes i get quite disturbed when my mom's like telling me that kids i grew up with,
back in china, are like married and having these kids
i'm like,
that's kewl.
glad to hear they're fine.
but im also happy abt myelf,
for being at this stage in life, leading the kind of life i'm leading, despite all odds.
actually,
somehow i just feel that im an emotionally-disabled person, when it comes to real-life situations.
i figure that in order to be a trulyFEELING person, you need to look at things simply, break them down into smaller fragments so that you can digest the bits of everything and really move along with it.
but i like to be logical and analytical, and consider the ENTIRE big picture.
and that's really not how the majority of humans are genetically disposed to do... =Pp
jiu,
i also dunno dao....
i'm just like,
keep on thinking + wondering, reflecting on this/ that, making obserations, trying to find my way around.
or maybe i just need to step out of myself and really immerse in the situation/ contexts i find myself in, instead of tryinghold my rein over every single thing in my own life.
but anyways
times are changing.
social paradigms are shifting
a new world order is immencing (did i get the word right?)
i mean,
i used to get pretty bothered abt the fact that, hmm, no, a female's topmost and ONLY priority is family and kids. because that's what everyone else is doing.
but then,
this is MY lifewhy would i care?
why should i?
i might as well not live at all if im suppose to live like what others dicate of me, you know?
all of us have a different role to play,
different destines to fulfill,
different dreams to make real.
i'll just keep on doing whatever i feel like doing,
figure is right, legal, right by my own standards,
and keep on going.
every instant, every moment, every event, every second of my life a quintessence of me.
i can't wait to go to uni, overseas, to america.
experience the real world
grow up and witness how things are like/ are being done.
i'll never stop my steps until i find my rightful place in life, in this world! =DD
i figure anyone who's serious abt real, true, divine, sincere, love is waiting in one form or another. love can be so sacred that you dun just experiment with it.
but the thing is,
this is so not in line with modern values. :S
maybe im just not getting the "right hang" of things.
but how do you know if everyone else is right? what do you use to gauge? how can you tell??
every person is a subjective matter....
and of one single fact, there can be so many different perspectives.
if you take a really extremely scientific and biological look @ things,
in fact you'd advocate the darwinian notion of love as an adaptation humans make, and this adaptation involves brain chemistry, pattern recogninition (symmetry is good; that's one of the fundamental 'definitions' of being pretty/ handsome.) and so on and so forth.
but can we just reduce humans to that state?
what with our rich inner lives...spiritual and emotional capacity....
jiu,
point is,
there are various ways to look @ something.
no one view is superior/ inferior over another.
you jsut have to examine situations and form connecctions.
i dunno.
all i know is that i dunno anything abt tis. =X
just one of the areas im handicapped in, by virtue of being me.
but one does not despair/ give up just because of this.
cuz ultimately,
i can imagine no greater bliss than really, waking up and seeing the face of your one true love, of a lifetime close to you,warm breath, and good-looking skin pores. =Pp
but fundamentally,
life is full of so many possibilities/ countless things to do.
at least that's my world view. :S
but anyways,
regarding the issue of relationships/ marriage/ etc. it's not one i usually dwell into. =Pp
but i keep on thinking,
most probably im so gonna lead a very vampiristic life next time.
work by day,
hang around in pubs/ clubs drinking etc. by night.
fleeting, passing by other peoples' lives; like a ghost,
without ever leaving anything behind. because im more concerned with advancing in life keeping things going...
or i could just be an ordinary 9-to-5 worker, who knows? you'll never know.
that's what accounts for the fun-ness in living.
life's like a box of chocolates. ;)
it is also a game,
and im always up for a challenge,
clear the stages beautifully,
and be victoriously forever-ly.
even defeat is a gratifying experience in itself,
because it makes a human stronger, more complete.
i'm a believer in responsible&compassionate invididualism,personal empowerment,open-mindedness, liberation, and FREEDOM to the SOUL!anyways
like i said
life is essentially about differnt people with different personalities, different values and sets of beliefs, consequently leading to us making different choices and decisions, giving rise to differenty lifestyles involving different opportunity costs&sarcrifices. there is no absolute best way/solution...ultimately,what matters most is finding your spot, your crux, your essence of being; stay true to it, and just be yourself.
;rock YOU.
9:15 PM
