Thursday, March 30, 2006
Feels like shit.OMG, I simply have to say this
matter-of-factly.
Life sucks. School sucks. Studying sucks. Having not enough sleep sucks. Waking up early sucks. EVERYTHING just simply, plainly down-to-earth-ly sucks. Yet I Rock. =D
But trust me, I may still be all normal and all.
But I definitely feel the least bit light-hearted.It's like... I just feel so
turned off and spite on by this world, MORE&MORE.
No wonder my music taste is a transition process:
Pop -> Ballad -> R&B -> ROCK&Rap.C'est la vie lar.I think I'm gonna accept this:
There's no good on this world. We are ultimately driven by natural selection to pass on our genes. So nothing really matters so long as you can survive and all.I'm like, SUCK lar.
But that's just life!!! In all my understanding and definition.
But then and again,
it's a matter of perspective.
YEAH.
So... WHAT!?I'm plain pissed.
And I don't feel like trying to deceive EVEN myself into thinking everything is well anymore.
Duh.
Basically I've been sleeping at 12+ everyday.
Wake up at 5. For this entire week I've been out till about 8 pm.
And normally I'd study until 10.30+... Busy as busy can be.I won't say I feel bad.
I'm not stressed. I'm not depressed.
I just feel like shit. =XI can still laugh, I can still crap.And I'm full of spite at this world.My heart and soul is YELLING: Life sucks as S!! U!! C!! K!! can be!!!!!Anyways I've been trying to ponder about,
WILL daily consistent work actually WORKout for me?
As in... SCARLY I really am those type of people who can study LASTminute only.HMM.
And I would really want to take up a certain degree I saw offered in the
University of Melbourne. It's
BACHELOR of COMMERCE + ARTS (Media&Communications). And career prospects range from
those in the business field to TV/ film director and etc. And I'm so TOTALLY like this is the THING for me, MAN!!! =D =D =D
The day my posting results came out.
Plus subsequently, a lot of shit I experienced and learned about in MJ... Getting a glimpse at the real world... I'm more determined and clearer than ever.All As, all distinctions.
And 3 H3s. Mathematics, Physics and Chemistry.Because I want to AIM really high, do all I can; so that I can increase my chances of getting a scholarship to study in Melb..... :(Yeah lar. Recently I feel very pissed at the unequal distribution of wealth on this world also.
MERITOCRACY? FAIRNESS??? - GEEZ. Gimme a break. Those things NEVER exist.
Oh, and talking about CAPACITYforDREAMS.
The government only wants you to improve their economy, thank you very much.
We don't study so that we can pursue what we want, you know? We work like shit like hell because we NEED to be employed. To stay ahead in this rat race. Even if it means FORSAKING pieces of ourselves.Winner takes all. You have the EFFECTIVE demand, then you get what you want.
It's like... MARKET ECONOMY.Sometimes I really wonder what I should do with this life, in this world, MAN.The more I grow up...
The uglier everything's turning out to be. And
the better I get at self-deception. Even though I think everything sucks like hell I'll have to tell myself:
Oh no Chen Enjiao you gotta love life you only live once. Though I really think that. YEAH, so? - What's the big deal!I don't give a big deal at all about this being our ONLY time on Earth man!Cuz life *IS* meaningless. By all means possible. YEAH. But it IS only due to the very fact that I'm very much a living person that... I have to go about HYPNOTIZING myself: THINK positive, STAY positive, ACT positive (even if I'm negative as can be...).
And etc.
Alright.
Actually this is the REAL me blogging, if you strip me of all my social roles. As a friend, as a student, as etc. This is what's left FUNDAMENTALLY&BASICALLY.My idea of life and living, plus this apathetic world.Anyways I think the selection or something like that for H3 subjects will begin with Mid-Years.
I gotta mug hard.Try as HARD as hard can be.I know the subject combination I'm taking so happens to be a perfect ingredient of what I'm weakest at. But I'm sure everything's gonna work out, if I try hard enough. Cuz I'm highly confident and assured of my own abilities.I can tahan stress.
I'm only afraid that I cannot stand the boredom. DUH.
Gotta make use of this weekend to catch up on loads of work.I don't understand Physics at all.
My Chemistry is wobbly.
My Maths cannot make it.
My GP is like ERRRR... I gotta start on my PW.It's only one year+++.
I can take it.
And I'll leave the school knowing I've done my best, did all I could in my stay.
Then slack in University.
MUAHAHA.BUSY like hell lar.And I really like the CIP program in MJ, HOHOHO. =D =D =DAnyways had loads of fun today.
Today's like one of the craziest days I've ever had for quite a long time.
Laughed real hard. Back hurts like shit cuz I laugh too hard. Egg tart's like darn funny lar. ;)
HAHA!And ever since I was like bursting a dirty joke to Huiyin the other day...
And we talking about this and that and all, both of us were like bonkers company! HEEHEEHEEEE. We're like on the same Hz lar, YEAH!Ah.
Haven't let myself LOOSE for such a long time.
And I absolutely love the CRAZY company. :)I think I know who are the most important people that I've ever known all my life already.
Though I don't know if I am one to them. :) Because Philosophy and Psychology and neuroscience and the workings of the mind questions that... Does others REALLY have minds? ;)HMM.
Anyways I think I gotta forget about what I would LIKE to do for my JC duration.
No games, no life. Just study&mug.m.u.g.M.U.G.
Cuz what NEEDS&HAS to be done comes FIRST&TOPMOST priority.Because I REALLY want to GIVE MY BESTTTTT for what I REALLY want!!!I don't want to feel so dejected+rejected ever again.
I want to do EVEN BETTER than I would have achieved if I were a VJ student.
REVENGE is SWEET!!!HMM.
Got loads of things to do lar.
Gotta studystudystudy over the weekend plus finish some videos.
Lecture tests upcoming.
And SPA. And PW. And REACH activities.
And Mid-Years. And so on and so forth.And I gotta be my 101%.'ll decorate this entry when I have the time... :)
Meanwhile, I'm G!! O!! N!! E!! - GONE!!!Frankly speaking, today I kept on hearing a lot about like, people really missing Sec Sch days. The crazyness and nuttiness of IT people. :) Those were the best days of my lives (in a sense).
But I just don't like thinking about it in a way that makes me sad. :(Because CHANGE is the ONLY constant.
And we can NEVER go back.So I'm like... Mixed feelings lar.
Just can't wait to graduate with HONOUR + study what I want in Uni. of Melbourne.
Once again I hate rich people... Though I aspire to grow up to be one. :)MUAHAHA!!!
Whatever siasssss.
Love NANA! Recently I got the DVD version.
It's like AMAZING. I like the themes of chasing your dreams+independance+freedom+innocence+strength of character+etc... expressed in the movie.With the GOODNESS of music.
OKOK that's all.
;rock YOU.
10:00 PM
